"That Mom" and the First Day of School

Benny started Preschool.  Yay!  

It was exciting to see him so excited for this next chapter of his life.

He loves to jump in to new activities and has never had too much stranger anxiety, but he is VERY shy.  He avoids talking to anyone new and even when they talk to him he usually ignores them because he is just so SHY.

It is speech school through the school district to help him work on his speech articulation and because of that, the school is a good 20 minutes away.  So he has to gets to ride the bus.

The new shoes and backpack were by far his favorite part of the day.

He was all smiles and couldn't stop gushing about how he would get to ride the bus just like his older cousins.   He was so excited for the bus and meanwhile back at the ranch, mama bear was so nervous about the bus.  My mind raced......What if he has to go potty during the 40 minute bus ride?  What if he gets half way there and misses me and has nobody to tell?  What if nobody talks to him?  What if he is the first kid picked up and has to go on a big empty bus all alone....and the list goes on.

So the night before school, Benny and I were saying prayers before bed.  We prayed for great fiends, wise teachers and that Benny would learn a lot of new things.  And then I made a big mistake...

a first time mom mistake...

what was I thinking.....

I prayed that God would help mommy so she wouldn't miss Benny so much.  Who says that in front of their 4 year old that is probably a tad nervous for his first day??! 

As soon as I said it I wished I could take it back because I saw his lower lip start to quiver and he started to cry so then of course I started to tear up.  He said through tears, "Mommy I am going to miss you.  I don't want to be all alone. What if i am all alone??"  They were big alligator tears and it was a real cry.  Like he had been holding it in all week.  I was so sad.  I don't want to be alone...break my heart a thousand times why doncha.  In that moment many things went through my head, "He doesn't HAVE to go to school." "I will drive him everyday for the rest of his life." "Can I work fulltime  and homeschool?"  "Can Pat work fulltime and homeschool" " He can just live in our basement for the rest of his life" "School is dumb" the irrational list goes on....

So I laid awake that night and begged God to not let him be the first kid picked up by the bus.  "I don't want to be alone" echoed through my head and I just prayed there would be another kid on the bus before him.  Basically my prayer cornered some other unsuspecting mom into her kid going first...ooops....sorry guess you should have thought of that prayer yourself lady:)

Morning came and he awoke so excited.

I was relieved to see his tears from the night before were long gone.

We got him all ready.  He ate his breakfast.  And off we went to the front yard for a few pictures before the bus was scheduled to come.  As 9:12 (bus time) lurked closer, I could see a few little glimpes of nerves....biting his nails like mom. But still generally pretty happy.

Clock stroked 9:10...crap...I forgot to have him go potty this morning....my biggest fear is coming true...now he will surely pee his pants on the bus...what to do...what to do...mad dash inside for a quick potty break with dad and back out just in time...

9:12....9:13...9:14..."My bus I see it, Mom!" 

Annnnnnnd...It passes us....that's what you get for living 2 blocks from a school.

"Another One!"....and it passes.  

You get the point...like 4 buses passed before the REAL one came chugging around the corner.

And as it was slowing down, we knew this was the one....it inched closer, and Benny crawled further and further under my legs and squeezed tighter and tighter.  As if to say, "This is no joke. I changed my mind"

I cheered excitedly as the bus door opened sounding like a real idiot...who cheers when the bus doors opens... (Benny still behind my legs)...this is the moment of truth...will he be the first kid on the bus????!  I peeked in and BAM..two boys....Praise Jesus!  He doesn't have to be alone.  Happy mom.

I share my excitement with him..."Look Ben, there are a couple boys on your bus...how fun!!" and now he is interested but still hesitating.  So I encourage him to stand by dad so I can snap a picture.

 And then the humiliation begins.  Ben is scared...so obviously I need to introduce him to his bus driver right...I lean into the bus, "Hi, this is Bennett what is your name?" to the driver. She looks at me like, who me?  NOBODY asks the bus driver their name?!   She was super nice, just looked caught off guard by my question...and I knew she tagged me right then and there..."That mom".  She respectfully told us her name was Crystal (See Crystal in photo above...forever captured as a reminder of Bennett's first day).  

Pat helps Ben on the bus...k more like pushes him on the bus...he is clearly nervous.  And hands him off to Crystal who tells him he can sit by Bentley.  "Whew, he has a friend, Bentley."  Happy Mom.  He is all buckled in and ready for take off.

Wait...I know nothing about Bentley..."What if Bentley is a punk?"  "What if Bentley convinces Bennett to smoke marijuana in 10th grade?" "He iiiiis wearing a black hoodie." "Maybe I can quit my job and be a bus driver?" OMG...stop worrying already....he has a friend.  

So the door closes and we wave good-bye with our faces plastered with a fake smile to convince him all is right in the world as he pulls away and then the tears come and Pat confirms what I am thinking, "We are never making him ride the bus again." 

Not really but it feels that way.  

Why do I feel so sad....I mean seriously it is a little teensy weensy stupid looking bus.  Who knew it could evoke so much emotion. 

So I do what any good, crazy, anxious, first time mom would do.

I jump in my 2002 Dodge Grand Caravan and I follow that bus.  

I don't really know why following the bus made me feel better but was going to make absolute sure he dis not get off that bus in tears.

Here is when things get interesting. Apparently my good friend, Crystal, did not practice her route.  

She took me on the craziest bus route I have ever seen.  Complete with a dead end and a pass through a gas station parking lot.  And you guessed it, I was that stupid idiot following her through it all.  I was sooooo BUSTED.  She obviously saw me when I was rounding that stupid dead end with her. I tried to hang way back but seriously on a dead end there are only so many places to hide.

And then there was the kid she forgot.  She zoomed right past him and his mom in the driveway. I saw him but Crystal did not.  I thought hey what about hiiiiim and then she saw him and had to turn around.  Shoot I was too far past.  So yup I had to turn around too.  SERIOUSLY, I am ASHAMED! Who does this??!

So now Crystal knows I am a Crazy Lady and now that other kid's mom sees the crazy minivan lady passing and turning around to follow the bus.  I wanted to crawl in a hole and die...

but not until I made sure my little bear cub made it to school ok.  Priorities people.

So we (as if I am now driving the bus) pick up the kid who's mom I now have to avoid at every school function and then we are off.  Finally the freeway....zoom. Now I can keep my distance.

I trail her at a distance the rest of the way...as if I can still play it cool after all that damage has been done.  I am convincing myself that maybe she didn't see me?  Maybe she was so distracted with the confusing route that she didn't see the silver bullet that has been on her tail since Van Buren Circle.

I am feeling my cool factor creeping back up as I pull into the lot.  It's full as expected so I park far away and approach on foot slowly and stealthly.  I don't want Bennett to see me because I don't want to have to re-do the good-bye stuff all over again.  So I do what any crazy stupid idiot would do, I stand in between two cars in the lot as if to conceal myself and blend in where i get a good view of him getting off the bus.  

Yeah blend in.  Not for long.  

Within seconds the bus greeter/crossing guard is waving to me in bright orange and yelling/screaming across the lot, "Following the bus on the First day huh?"  "Don"t worry about it, happens all the time." 

See it happens all the time..yeah it happens all the time...then WHY am I the ONLY parent within 1000 feet of the school right now. I am the sole crazy lady.  Stop enabling me people!  Now it's not Ben that is alone...it is me...clearly me!  And wait, does that mean Crystal told her I followed the bus...how else would she know that....cool factor gone...totally gone.  Bennett, I am so sorry.  I really hope this doesn't ruin your reputation:)

In an instant I see him bounce off the bus.  Literally he hopped and skipped and had so much excitement in his step and it made every last ounce of horror worth it.  I was so relieved and at peace.  I knew he was going to have an awesome day and most importantly I could see he felt confident in his own abilities.  He conquered the bus.  He did it all by himself and had the bus tags to prove it.  I gleamed with pride. I was so happy I let him ride the bus and feel that sense of accomplishment.

And I walked back to my minivan feeling great about how happy he looked.  I sat in the drivers seat and started to dial Pat to fill him in on the details and just as I was dialing I looked up and Crystal's bus was pulling out.  Oh dear, she is going to drive right by me.  What if she sees me.  No! she won't recognize my van in this sea of minivans.  And then it happened, 

She lifted her hand and gave me the old bus driver wave.  I waved back with my tail between my legs and then I hung my head in shame.

She knew my van.  I was tagged....FOREVER.